#9 Change = Journey

         Last week, I had this class. My lecturer was explaining about "meanings", what is meaning. How you describe a meaning, and other stuffs. So he drew a cross, and asked us what is that. I said cross symbolize Christian religion. So he said ok. And he drew a swastika, a moon and star, and the last thing I cannot remember. So the swastika is a symbol of Buddhism.  Correct me if I'm wrong. And the moon and star are Muslim symbol. So he asked us, why these symbol? He asked one of the class mate who he assume is a Christian, she answered, the religion means salvation, sacrifice, and then my lecturer  asked again, where she discover her religion and why she choose to believe it, she said, her family. It was in the family.  He wrote everything down on the white board. And he asked another class mate, about the Muslim meaning in his life. He chose not to answer and said It's complicated. But he also said the religion is from the family.
          Whatever he said in class, made me think about my life, and how to describe the religion I believe in, and the true meaning of being a born-Muslim. He said describe one word that symbolize your religion and you. I didn't answer, but I was thinking about what are the word that can describe my religion, and I decide to choose, Journey.
           I was lucky enough my family understand me, they never forced me to the religion, they showed me. They send me to the Al-Quran class since I was 9, and I love it because I was in Chinese School, and all my neighbour's children were in the same Malay school near my home. So everybody knows everybody,  except me. so the only way for me to made friends, was to went to the class. That was the first thing went through my mind. I was nine. Duhh. But I assumed that was the first step they showed me.

           And the next step is to talk about the religion, in a very casual way. Almost every night, if we all were home, we will sat in front of the TV and watch whatever news, drama, shows, and at some point, my parent will came out with a topic to talked about, and if it's about religion. They will said something like "All the 'rules and regulation' He created it for a reason" . My parent said they are not perfect, they tried to teach us and at the same time teach themselves. Teenagers especially in this modern times hate to be forced. So they decided to do another way. To make sure their children, learnt the life lessons themselves.

           I admit I was on the wrong track sometimes, I wore my hijab on and off, when I was 11 and when I was 17. I wore it for a year and had this feeling to take it off. Now, I kinda regret it. I just wish I never take it off. Sometimes I lost count how many times I didn't perform my Solat. And I truly regret it. At some point, I was this person, I believe it Allah, but I'm not practicing the religion.  Not all of it. And I started to think about the what,why where and how... And I learnt my lesson.

Change is a process. I maybe can change drastically but I'm not a robot. I wanna change for good. To make sure the process went smoothly, I started by wearing hijab, make sure it cover my chest, and then I started to cover my chin. I started to wear looser clothes, I admit until now, I still wear skinny jeans or pants. but I'm slowly wearing skirts and looser pants. And also for solat, I keep up everything and set a reminder to make sure I never skip. Alhamdullilah my changes is a journey. A journey to the right path. InsyaAllah. I try to adapt into a better life. You know. Lesson learned. With that way. Maybe everything will be better. Religion or life-wise.